Likely to dominate DIY market. And yes, there’s a coupon.

C-level Execs Urged Not to Bring Mistresses to Soft Rock Concerts. A newly issued Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency bulletin has network admins scrambling as the “ColdPlayX” ransomware variant spreads globally. Ransom notes on locked computer screens include Kiss Cam images of unfaithful executives and demand payments in Bitcoin. “This proves we’re not safe anywhere,”…

Seattle-based AI startup reveals the shocking truth: decades of mumbling lyrics were actually hiding Neil Diamond’s classic anthem. “We’ve run the song through our lyric analysis engine 14 times,” said the AI company’s founder, “and the bridge just keeps coming back as ‘Sweet Caroline.’” Coast to coast, hundreds of middle-aged men in cargo shorts have…

From the filmmaker who brought you The Civil War, Baseball, and Country Music — now comes the riveting story of unsolicited emails. Told through dramatic voice-overs, sepia-toned phishing attempts, and an original score by Yo-Yo Ma, SPAM chronicles the rise of junk mail, the fall of inbox zero, and the brave few who clicked “Report…

Local 8-year-old founder Ellie B. hired her uncle, a certified Salesforce admin, to help track customer journeys and optimize lead gen. Within 48 hours: – She lost 3 customers to duplicate records – Her CRM pipeline showed 28 abandoned leads (HOA president, 4 landscapers, 23 kids on bikes) – Her “daily stand-up” meeting turned into…

Citing energy savings and eco-conscious innovation, Microsoft’s new Outlook feature delays all outbound emails by 96 hours to “let the electrons chill.” “Latency is the new sustainability,” a spokesperson announced from a carbon-neutral server room in Redmond. In a surprise retaliatory response, Apple announced “iMail Eco+”, promising to deliver emails in just 72 hours. “Faster.…

“I also need Thursdays off for my YouTube channel.” The first-day intern stunned the MSP with “non-negotiables”: four-day workweek, stock options, and a vegan snack stipend. Asked about on-prem work, they replied, “What’s an office?” The MSP is considering it—mostly out of curiosity, partly out of desperation.

In a tragic yet preventable incident, a local business owner was locked out of critical systems today after running out of color-coded Post-It notes containing all his MFA recovery codes. “I knew my yellow one was for email, blue was for payroll, and pink was for that thing the IT guy set up in 2019,”…