SAN JOSE, CA — In a surprise press conference held on the tarmac at San Jose Mineta Airport, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled iPlane, a sleek, minimalist aircraft that instantly triggered both industry buzz and industry panic.

“All domestic tickets start at $3,900,” Cook announced, pausing for applause that did not come. “From there, customers can enhance their airborne experience by adding an iSeat, iSeatBelt, and onboard WiFi with real-time surge pricing.”

One San Francisco advertising executive, who asked to remain anonymous out of concern for her personal brand, confirmed she had secured a spot on the inaugural San Jose–Los Angeles flight.

“It’ll be about $4,900 all-in,” she said. “But it’s Apple. I’m going to experience something that Delta passengers can’t even pronounce.”

Apple shares were trading up after hours.